From Discontentment to Abundance

It’s another Monday at 3pm and I am realizing I need to decide what to do for dinner. Not only did I miss the grocery shopping trip that is usually done over the weekend, I forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer. I am paralyzed for a short time trying to make this decision and start to get irritated that I’m in this position. I finally decided on breakfast, because eggs, toast and some fruit will just have to be enough for today. Our mediocre dinner is done, and across the kitchen, the dirty dishes are mocking me. Even though I’d much rather walk away in protest, I make the right choice and start washing dishes. My mind goes to the millions of things that need to be accomplished this week and the dinner I have to think about tomorrow (as much as I like to eat, food is also the bane of my existence, anyone else?!). I already feel like I am failing and that's where the chaos of my mind starts to lead to discontentment. I need more time, more money, an extra bathroom, more control, an actual vacation…but it will never be enough.

It will never be enough unless a perspective shift happens.

Although I still struggle with discontentment frequently, in the last few years I have been able to move away from discontentment and towards peace despite my circumstances not necessarily changing that much. How? Well, for me it meant going through the hardest thing I have been through and having to be completely dependent on God. A true opportunity to completely release control and trust Him- because of a mosquito. Yes, a mosquito. I will one day ask the good Lord the purpose of mosquitos and why he felt the need to create them (and flies too!). My husband was bitten by a mosquito and contracted West Nile Virus. The virus then caused encephalitis, which is inflammation of the brain. As he laid there in a hospital bed unconscious and immobile, I learned what it meant to trust God completely in that moment. I was told to be prepared to be his caretaker for the rest of his life or the possibility of him never coming back from this. I learned to advocate and to fight, but ultimately I knew it wasn’t up to me to save Greg. It stripped me of my ability to control anything, and through literally crying out in sadness and anger, and complete surrender to His will, I let go. In God’s kindness, and I truly believe through the power of prayer, Greg not only survived but he is living a healthy life. His story is filled with earthly angels, and miracles all along the way, and I am reminded of it everyday as I look at him and how God is still using him for His good purpose.

So how does Greg’s story help me move towards contentment?

Gratitude. I am so incredibly thankful for the miracle of Greg still being here, being able to play sports with our boys, sing with our daughter, dance with me, continue his ministry and so much more. I choose to look through the fog of overwhelm I often feel surrounding me and see the things I can be grateful for. It’s Greg’s life, it's the sunshine, it’s our kids, it’s my job, or the cup of coffee I get to enjoy every morning. Some days are easier than others to live into this, and some days I stay in the fog and don’t choose gratitude. These days are always the hardest, but God is patient with me and will often use someone to help me break free of that doom and gloom I choose.

Abundant Life
What I have found as I seek out things to be grateful for is an abundant life. This concept for me is rooted in the word Zoe (pronounced dzo-ay), it is a New Testament Greek word for life - "life real and genuine, a life active and vigorous, devoted to God." Fighting through the chaos into a life full of joy in the Lord. At the lowest point in my life, my devotion to God and the gift of grace on the cross, is what ultimately led me to trust in Him completely and release my husband's life to Him. My response to the love Christ has for me, and the saving grace he has given, is gratitude and devotion to Him. This is how I can have an abundant life. It’s not more money, or time, or a family vacation. I can have abundance even when things are hard, when the money isn’t there, when my depression comes back, when life is chaotic.

I don’t do this perfectly, it often takes an intentional effort to choose gratitude and find abundance, but it has helped me find so much more joy in any set of circumstances I find myself in. Being a midlife working mom is not always easy (hello hormones!) but I am choosing to see the joy in the chaos. I am choosing to live into Zoe, “life real and genuine, a life active and vigorous, devoted to God.”- abundant life.

I am not anyone special but I hope that sharing my musings on life, in a real and genuine way can be an encouragement to you. Life is meant to be shared in community- the good and the bad.

So tell me, what are you grateful for today?

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